Friday, May 15, 2009

Site-related: Search terms

Primula auricula, allegedly a perennial here in Iowa, though I have my doubts.

Recent internet searches that have led people to PATSP:

1. what is the point of botanical names
2. how to take cair of a spathiphyllum domino leafs that broken [sic]
3. psychedelic plants you can buy at lowes
4. can you die from smoking random plants?
5. plant thorns in head dangerous
and my favorite so far, because there's a whole story in there:

6. my husband got separated in the head by a yucca house plant and it is now very infected i did not know they could do this

Lobelia something. Probably 'Regatta Blue' or something like that.

For the record, my responses would be:

1. So that botanists don't have to learn a thousand different names for every one of the millions (billions?) of plant species in existence.
2. Cut off the broken leaves: they don't heal themselves once they've been torn or the petiole (stem connecting the leaf to the base of the plant) is bent.
3. I don't think there are any (anything genuinely psychedelic is very likely also illegal for them to sell), and even if there were, they've probably been treated with pesticides and you shouldn't be ingesting them anyway. Stay in school.
4. [exasperated:] Yes. I don't know whether to call you an idiot for having to ask the question or praise you for at least trying to look it up first. (I am also tempted to answer no, everything in the natural world is natural and therefore safe, so smoke with wild abandon. But I won't.)
5. Well, yes, usually they are. It kinda depends on whose head, and whereabouts on the head.
6. I don't think "separated" is the word you mean, but if it's a cut that got infected, well, you knew cuts could get infected, right? Let's not go blaming the poor Yucca.

Impatiens x 'Fanfare Bright Coral.' Sold to us for the first time last year as an Impatiens that could handle full sun, they're actually better thought of as an Impatiens that can handle more sun than most: full sun all day long will still cause them to burn up, but give them a little shade from a nearby tree or building and they'll spread like gangbusters. (DISCLAIMER: Spread may not actually resemble that of gangbusters. I don't actually know how gangbusters spread.)


4 comments:

our friend Ben said...

Oh, my. I posted about some of the classic searches we've been getting this morning, too, but they pale by comparison. At least now I finally know the explanation for people who can't refrain from acting like idiots; Clearly, they've been "separated in the head"! Priceless. Wonder if there'll be a run on the Lowe's plant section now...

Lance said...

I want to know how to cair myself - and just what does that really involve.

Is it really safe to smoke fertilizer? ... oh wait something is smelling, is it the pink polkadot elephant?

And yes - I know many people separated FROM their heads - not sure if separated in their heads is the same or not.

arythrina said...

"plant thorns in head dangerous"

LOL! I guess that's better than thorns in head "fun" or "calming" - wouldn't that be more disturbing?

Kenneth Moore said...

Maybe it's like accupuncture, arythrina? The DIY at home variety! Who needs fancy Eastern medicine when you can hop in a rose bush?