Friday, August 6, 2010

If You Were a Houseplant, What Kind of Houseplant Would You Be?

Gentle readers:

Just for shiggles, let's ponder the title question.

Obviously human beings' needs for things like water and temperature are going to be pretty similar, and we already know which plants are compatible with regular human environments, because those are the plants we grow indoors, where we live, already. Therefore, we have to resort to metaphor for this.

So what I'm asking everybody to do (if you want) is, evaluate yourselves on a 0-3 scale, as described below, for each of the criteria, and then leave a comment, containing the numbers you come up with for yourself. I'll run your numbers through Excel, match them against the ratings for plants I've already got in the spreadsheet, and then post a list of the three plants with number sets most similar to the set you've given me.1 You may use any number between 0 and 3 (like, if you're just positive you're a 2.68 on something, the number 2.68 works as well as any other for calculating, so go ahead and tell me 2.68.). If you don't like my metaphors for which personality traits go with which plant-care categories, feel free to make up your own and give me those numbers instead.

Euphorbia grandicornis. An extrovert.

PESTS are obviously other people.
0- People are great. I love meeting new people, and get along with everybody.
1- I like most people, though occasionally I run into someone I can't get along with.
2- I don't work or play well with others, but when I have to, I have to.
3- Other people are constantly getting in my way, being stupid, or otherwise causing me problems, and I wish I didn't have to deal with them.

Pogonantherum paniceum. A hoarder.

Water is sort of raw material for doing anything, for plants. Basically "stuff." So for OVERWATERING, the question is how unsettled you are by having too much stuff, too much clutter, in your life.
0- I'm a hoarder.
1- I keep stuff a lot longer than I need to, and regularly buy stuff for which I have no immediate use.
2- Things occasionally get out of hand, but most of the time I keep my space fairly neat and organized.
3- I can't stand any kind of mess, even in space that doesn't belong to me.

Beaucarnea recurvata. A DIYer/survivalist type.

And for UNDERWATERING, it's about how big of a problem it is for you not to have the things you need.
0- I can make anything I need from scratch using only duct tape and twigs, and sometimes I don't need the twigs.
1- I can usually improvise a bad substitute from something I already have, without having to buy something new.
2- I've been known to waste time going to multiple stores, trying to find something that will work perfectly.
3- I'll drop everything and drive for an hour to get exactly the right item.

Pilosocereus pachycladus. Belongs to Overeaters Anonymous.

LIGHT is basically energy input, for plants, which I think most closely parallels food consumption in humans. So
0- I'm basically anorexic.
1- I eat sensibly, most of the time.
2- I eat more than I ought to.
3- I eat anything that isn't nailed down.

Plectranthus verticillatus. Is basically Michelle Duggar.

For PROPAGATION, you have a choice: you can either treat it pretty literally, about your chances of having actual children, and the number of children, in your lifetime (0-I want to have a house full of kids / 1-definitely want some kids / 2-I might want one kid, someday / 3-I never want to have any children ever, or I can't have any childen ever), or you can be metaphorical:
0- I'm very proud of how much stuff I've accomplished in my life, compared to others my age.
1- There have been some unproductive spells, but I think on balance I've done quite a bit of cool stuff.
2- I could definitely have accomplished more if I'd worked harder, but considering what I had to work with I think I've done a couple worthwhile things.
3- I'm not sure I've ever done anything worthwhile in my life.

Begonia rex-cultorum 'Escargot.' Voted Most Likely To Go Postal.

HUMIDITY . . . I'm going to say stress-management and ability to function under pressure, and/or ability to deal with frustration.
0- I deal exceptionally well with stress most of the time. Other people even compliment me on it and ask what my secret is. I'm thinking I should write a book.
1- I handle certain kinds of stress (like pushy co-workers or intense deadline pressure) very well, and other kinds (like disorganized workspace or lazy co-workers) not so much.
2- I work okay under moderate amounts of pressure, but fall apart when it goes on for a long time without a break/vacation or when I'm being asked to perform an exceptionally impossible task.
3- The slightest little thing will make me stress out to the point of being completely unable to function.

Homalomena 'Emerald Gem.' "I CAN'T RUSH MY PROCESS, MAN!"

TEMPERATURE is a toughie, but I'm thinking it has to do with the intensity of daily activity, kinda. Since the meaning as it applies to plants has to do with the allowable range of temperatures, this is basically a measurement of how flexible you can be.
0- Whenever and however you want it, that's when I'll get it to you.
1- It's nice to have a little advance warning about things, but basically I can work at whatever speed is necessary without getting stressed about it.
2- I need to know pretty specifically what you want and how soon you want it, and depending on your deadlines I may or may not be able to get it to you.
3- I am no good with other people's deadlines. I have to work at my own pace, which is sometimes superfast and sometimes superslow, but I can't be rushed to do things faster, and I can't wait around for someone else's input once I'm ready to go.

Zamioculcas zamiifolia. Married, 2.5 kids, lives in suburbs.

GROOMING usually works out in the plant profiles as having special circumstances or quirks of care that aren't covered under one of the other categories but make the plant more difficult. So metaphorically, if your life is unusual in some way, compared to the average person in your country, because of who you are (disabled, gay, famous, independently wealthy, mentally ill), where you live (hippie commune, military, expat), or some other way that creates challenges for you that other people don't have or appreciate (self-employed, caring for a relative with special needs, religious minority, group marriage), this is where to note that.
0- I'm painfully ordinary in every possible way.
1- My life is a little weird.
2- I'm kind of a freak.
3- My life circumstances may be entirely unique in the history of the world.

Hibiscus rosa-sinensis. Goes skydiving on weekends.

FEEDING for plants is the input of trace elements, so for people I'm going to say it's about the need for novelty and stimulation, about how bored you get and how easily.
0- I'd be pretty happy to get on a routine that worked for me and stay in that routine until I die, with no changes at all.
1- Having a stable, routine life is definitely important to me, but it's nice to get away and do something different every once in a while.
2- I like to shake things up regularly, so I don't get into a rut.
3- I have to be doing something new constantly -- going new places, learning new things, trying new forms of physical activity -- or I get bored and cranky.

My personal numbers fall out as follows:

PESTS: 2.5
OVERWATER: 1
UNDERWATER: 1
LIGHT: 2
PROPAGATION: 1
HUMIDITY: 2
TEMPERATURE: 2.5
GROOMING: 1.5
FEEDING: 1

My closest match turns out to be Philodendron gloriosum.2 I'm the son of a Stromanthe sanguinea (Mom) and a Schefflera actinophylla (Dad),3 and I married a Philodendron 'Xanadu.' (So not only same-sex marriage, but same-metaphorical-genus marriage!)

Moi.

The husband points out that there could be a financial opportunity in this, somewhere. Some kind of horti-horoscopes (Rhapis: your sharp tongue may get you in trouble with your boss today, unless you remember to think before you speak."), or personality tests, which could be sold to businesses or used in marriage counseling. ("Well, there's your problem: you're an Agave and he's a Dieffenbachia. What you need is to neutralize your Agave nature by buying its opposite, which is a Begonia rex-cultorum, and then your relationship will be saved.") He's probably right.

None of this, of course, actually means a damn thing, but hey. If you need to have an answer ready just in case you run into Barbara Walters,4 leave your set of numbers in comments, and I'll crunch the numbers and post your results when I get the chance. You don't necessarily have to subscribe to my interpretation of the appropriate metaphors for each criterion, either. Make up your own and give me those numbers if you like.

-

1 The similarity is determined by comparing each plant-rating criterion, C, against the respondent's rating, R, for each of the nine criteria as follows:
similarity = sqrt[(C1-R1)^2 + (C2-R2)^2 + (C3-R3)^2 + . . . + (C9-R9)^2]
It's not merely a matter of comparing the difficulty numbers and picking the three which are closest. Consequently, the results that come up may vary considerably in difficulty ranking, owing to differences in how difficulty-rating criteria are weighted relative to one another, and that sort of thing.
2 I ran this both with the metaphorical propagation numbers and the literal ones, and the highest-ranking plant on both lists was P. gloriosum.
3 As not all possible values are represented among the plants, one cannot necessarily figure out what the person is like by knowing what their corresponding plant is. Philodendron gloriosum, for example, is not particularly bothered by pests (I had spider mites once), even though my pest number was very high: it's just the closest fit from among the nine values, among the 300ish plants for which I have values. Dad is totally a Schefflera actinophylla, though.
4 In 1981, during an interview with Katherine Hepburn, Barbara Walters asked "If you were a tree, what kind would you be?" This was of course roundly mocked at the time, though Walters has since defended the question by pointing out that Hepburn brought up the whole tree thing first, by saying she would like to be a tree.
So even if it's not going to help you if you run into Barbara Walters in a dark alley someplace (*shudder*), you never know when it might be handy to have a quick answer ready for questions like this.


80 comments:

Crazy Garden Lady said...

PESTS: 1
OVERWATER: 1.5
UNDERWATER: 0.5
LIGHT: 1
PROPAGATION: 1
HUMIDITY: 2
TEMPERATURE: 1.5
GROOMING: 1
FEEDING: 2.5

I'm looking forward to finding out what I am, then when people ask me I can say I'm a Fire Dragon Leo (add plant)and just giggle at the bemused looks I get!

Mae said...

Oh, this is a hoot! I love that you're both a botany man AND a numbers/Excel man. A person after my own heart. (Currently crunching several worksheets worth of physiology data in excel)

Ok, analyze away! My therapist and I will get a good laugh out of this. But maybe we'll make some deep breakthroughs ;-)

PESTS: 2
OVERWATER: 2
UNDERWATER: 2
LIGHT: 2
PROPAGATION: 2
HUMIDITY: 2
TEMPERATURE: 3
GROOMING: 2
FEEDING: 1

Diana said...

This is fun. Or possibly a sign of too much time on your hands (don't you have plants to water? - ;) ). But so much fun so here are my numbers:

Pest 1.7
Overwatering 2
Underwatering 1.2
Light 2
Propagation 0 (using the metaphoric number, I am not reproducing)
Humidity 1.3
Temperature 1.75 (or 78 F, I like it warm)
Grooming 2.8
Feeding 3

Greensparrow said...

Didn't The Germinatrix do something sorta like this -- like a year ago? But your version is ever so much more scientific.
My numbers:
pests: 1.7
overwatering: 2
underwatering: 0.5
light: 3 (Can I make that 3.5 given I eat constantly, never feel full, and never gain weight?)
propagation (metaphorical, not literal. The whole gay thing, you know.): 0.2
humidity: 1.5
Temperature: 1.5
grooming: 2.0
feeding: 1

mr_subjunctive said...

Crazy Garden Lady:

Your top three were:
Oncidium cvv. (closest)
Philodendron erubescens 'Golden Emerald'
Philodendron bipennifolium

and the most opposite plant was Dionaea muscipula.

-

Mae:

Your top three were:
Calathea ornata (closest)
Cyclamen persicum
Streptocarpus cvv.

and the most opposite was Bryophyllum daigremontianum.

-

Diana:

Your top three were:

Saintpaulia ionantha cvv. (closest)
Nematanthus cvv.
Begonia cvv., rhizomatous types

and your most opposite was Dracaena deremensis 'Art.'

-

Greensparrow:

Your top three were:
Nematanthus cvv. (closest)
Gynura aurantiaca (2nd)
Philodendron hastatum / Echeveria 'Moonglow' (tied for 3rd)

and your most opposite was also Dracaena deremensis 'Art.'

Ginny Burton said...

Oh good grief! I'm embarrassed to be so consistent, but I think I'm a 1 in every category. I was hoping to be a petunia, but I guess that's not really a houseplant.

mr_subjunctive said...

Oh, and Greensparrow:

I haven't seen the Germinatrix post you're referring to, but I know I'm not the first person to come up with this sort of idea. Lots of people still have quiz results for "what kind of wildflower / herb / flower are you?" in their sidebars. I think mine's better because, in theory, there are more possible answers (347).

mr_subjunctive said...

Ginny Burton:

Your top three were:
Cissus rhombifolia (closest)
Neoregelia ampullacea 'Dark Star'
and then a five-way tie between
Polyscias scutellaria,
Philodendron erubescens 'Golden Emerald,'
Monstera deliciosa,
Ficus binnendijkii, and
Cordyline glauca.

Your most opposite plant was Begonia rex-cultorum.

lynneguist said...

Oh, come on now, I should be doing work, and you're giving me other things to think about and do? What kind of responsible human being are you?

Here are my numbers:
PESTS: 1.8
OVERWATER: 2
UNDERWATER: 2
LIGHT: 2.3
PROPAGATION: 1.5
HUMIDITY: 1
TEMPERATURE: 1.3
GROOMING: 1
FEEDING: 2

Tell me I'm a vegetable.

Errant said...

Neat-o! :D

PESTS: 2
OVERWATER: 2
UNDERWATER: 0
LIGHT: 2
PROPAGATION: 0
HUMIDITY: 1
TEMPERATURE: 1
GROOMING: 2
FEEDING: 1

mr_subjunctive said...

lynneguist:

More of a tree, really.

Your top three were:
Polyscias balfouriana (closest)
Polyscias fruticosa
Aphelandra squarrosa

and your most opposite was Dracaena deremensis 'Jade Jewel.'

Polyscias is a nice genus. They have a reputation for falling to pieces if relocated or disturbed in any way, but that mostly comes from the way they used to be produced: producers used to ship them to stores without trying to acclimate them to indoor growing conditions first, so when they got to the store they were seriously stressed and would defoliate. But it turns out that defoliation isn't an inevitability, it's just a sign that the grower hasn't taken the time to prepare them for relocation.

Read into that however you like.

lynneguist said...

I'd have to question the reliability of the method, then, since I've moved countries 3 times with next to no preparation and never fell apart...

(Thanks for the detailed info, though.)

mr_subjunctive said...

Errant:

Your top three were:

Nematanthus cvv. (closest)*,
then a tie between
Philodendron bipinnatifidum and Echeveria 'Moonglow.'

Your most opposite was Dionaea muscipula.

-

*I wonder why everybody's getting Nematanthus as an answer.

mr_subjunctive said...

lynneguist:

Well, ordinarily I'd say that you were unfazed because clearly the different countries all had very similar metaphorical environments, but I know that's only sort of the case, so, uh, I don't know.

The method does have certain inherent unreliabilities to it.

Emily said...

pests - 1.3
overwater - 1.3
underwater - 2
light - 1
propagation - 1.4
Humidity - 1
temperature - 0
grooming - 2
feeding - 2.2

As for temperature, I thought you'd just leave it as is, because at least in my world I know people who need it to be 80 or higher, I'm a 74 girl, and my family all want it at 68 or lower!

mr_subjunctive said...

Emily:

I'm a 68er myself, but I figured it I was going metaphorical on the other criteria, then I had to go metaphorical on temperature too.

Anyway. Your top three were:
Liriope spicata 'Cassidy' (closest)
Ficus benjamina
Murraya paniculata

and the most opposite was Astrophytum ornata / Astrophytum myriostigma (tie).

Sixwing said...

PESTS: 1
OVERWATER: 2
UNDERWATER: 0
LIGHT: 2
PROPAGATION: 1(Metaphorical) HUMIDITY: 1
TEMPERATURE: 2
GROOMING: 2
FEEDING: 3

And now I'm trying to think of a cool way to do this with a database and SQL query. XD

Andrew said...

Fun, looking forward to seeing what houseplant I am

Pest 1.8
Overwatering 1
Underwatering 1.5
Light 1.75
Propagation 2.5
Humidity 2
Temperature 2
Grooming 0
Feeding 1

mr_subjunctive said...

Sixwing:

Your top three were:
Pelargonium x hortorum (closest)
Nematanthus cvv.
and a tie between Ficus microcarpa 'Green Island' and Clivia miniata.

And the most opposite plant was Dionaea muscipula.

-

Andrew:

Your top three were:
Philodendron gloriosum (closest)
Brassolaeliocattleya cvv.
Ficus religiosa

and the most opposite was Sedum x rubrotinctum.

Rosemary said...

It's very kind of you to being calculating these for us.

My numbers:
Pests 1.9
Overwatering 1
Underwatering 1
Light 1
Propagation 2
Humidity 2
Temperature 2
Grooming 2
Feeding 3

Thanks!

Emily said...

Now I have yet another plant - Liriope spicata 'Cassidy' - to add to the wish list, because who can resist owning themselves in houseplant form? Mr. Subjunctive, you're a bad bad influence.

I've actually also been mildly desiring an Astrophytum myriostigma but haven't seen any for sale lately.

mr_subjunctive said...

Emily:

They're somewhat unsatisfying houseplants, in my experience, actually. Very few actual problems, ever (had spider mites once, barely), but they don't grow very fast indoors. The ones we had in the greenhouse at work grew like crazy, though, so maybe summering outdoors helps. Or maybe mine's potbound. I should probably check that.

Rosemary:

Your top three were:
Paphiopedilum cvv. (closest)
Philodendron gloriosum
Alpinia zerumbet

and the most opposite was Bryophyllum daigremontianum.

Jeane said...

Tell me what plant I am!

Pests- 2
Overwater- 2
Underwater- 1
Light- 1
Propagation- 2
Humidity- 1
Temperature- 2
Grooming- 2
Feeding- 1

mr_subjunctive said...

Jeane:

Your top three were:

Dracaena thalioides (closest)*
then a tie between Dieffenbachia cvv. and Philodendron 'Xanadu.'

Your most opposite plant was Bryophyllum daigremontianum.

-

*(Actually a very very close match, compared to most people's.)

Yasa said...

I would love to see who these two plants are, if you don't mind...

PESTS - 1.5
OVERWATERING - 2.5
UNDERWATERING - 0.5
LIGHT - 2
PROPAGATION - 2
HUMIDITY - 0.5
TEMPERATURE - 1
GROOMING -
2.5
FEEDING 1.5

PESTS - 3.0
OVERWATERING - 1
UNDERWATERING - 1
LIGHT - 0
PROPAGATION - 1
HUMIDITY - 1
TEMPERATURE - 1
GROOMING - 2.5
FREEDING - 1.5

Karen715 said...

I tend to think of myself as a rather high-maintenance person, so I might end up being one of the more difficult plants.

Pests: 2.5
Overwatering: 1.75
Underwatering: 1.5
Light: 2

Propagation is difficult since the literal/metaphoric scales don't match for me: If I use the child criteria I'm a definite 3, if I use the accomplishment criteria I'm a solid 2.
Let's go with:
Propagation: 2.3
Humidity: 2.5
Temperature: 1.5
Grooming: 1.25
Feeding: 1

Jeane said...

Wow, that's funny, because dieffenbachia and dracaena happen to be two of my favorite plants, and I used to have a philodendron but don't now but have been wanting to get another for some time. Strange.

emily said...

PESTS: 1.67
OVERWATER: 1
UNDERWATER: 1.28
LIGHT: 2.3
PROPAGATION: 2
HUMIDITY: 1
TEMPERATURE: 1
GROOMING: 1
FEEDING: 2

mr_subjunctive said...

Yasa:

Your first plant's top 3 matches:
Dieffenbachia cvv. (tied for 1st)
Pelargonium x hortorum (tied for 1st)
Dracaena thalioides (tied for 3rd)
Kalanchoe blossfeldiana (tied for 3rd)

And the opposite for the first plant:
Musa / Ensete spp.

Your second plant's top 3 matches:
Cissus rhombifolia
Hedera helix
Hedera canariensis

And the opposite:
Furcraea foetida

-

Karen715:

Your top three were:
Schefflera elegantissima
Stromanthe sanguinea
Ravenea rivularis
(Surprised you didn't get Gardenia, with numbers like those, but it actually wasn't even close. :^)

And the opposite:

Bryophyllum daigremontianum

mr_subjunctive said...

emily:

Your top three were:
Cycas revoluta (closest)
Pachypodium geayi
Polyscias fruticosa

and the most opposite was Begonia rex-cultorum.

CelticRose said...

What a fun quiz! :)

Pests: 2
Overwatering: 2
Underwatering: 0.5
Light: 1.25
Propagation: literal 3 and metaphorical 2, so let's say 2.5
Humidity: 2
Temperature: 2.5
Grooming: 2.5
Feeding: 1

mr_subjunctive said...

CelticRose:

Your top three were:

Dracaena thalioides (tied for 1st)
Philodendron xanadu (tied for 1st)
Chamaedorea elegans

and your most opposite plant was Bryophyllum daigremontianum.

Liza said...

Ok, new levels of brilliance here, for engaging your audience. Good job, mr_s. Now, I'm dying to know - what plant am I? I tend to think of myself as some sort of Eurphorbia, low maintenance looking, but not really.
Pests: 1.5
Overwatering: 2.8
Underwatering: 1
Light: 1
Propagation (metaphorically): 1.5
Humidity: 1
Temperature: 1
Grooming: 2
Feeding: 2

Vanillaish, with a hint of red chile.

mr_subjunctive said...

Liza:

Your top three were:
Dracaena thalioides (closest)
Dieffenbachia cvv.
Pelargonium x hortorum

and the most opposite was
Dionaea muscipula.

Leslie said...

Interesting and fun! I hope I'm a "Piggy Back Plant" or something else that's not readily available anymore..

PESTS: 1
OVERWATERING: 3
UNDERWATERING: 1
LIGHT: 2
PROPOGATION: 1
HUMIDITY: 1
TEMPERATURE: 1
GROOMING: 0
FEEDING: 1

Aaerelon said...

You sir, are a genius! BTW I don't think same-metaphorical-genus marriage is legal yet. We're not even that 'liberal' here in Canada! ;) Maybe you should be an advocate. Here's mine:

pests 1.5
overwatering 2
underwatering 1.5
light 3
propagation 1.5
humidity 0
temperature 1
grooming 2
feeding 3

Judge me.

Jenn said...

Pe- 1
OW- 0
UW- 1
L - 3
Pr- 1
Hu- 1
Te- 2
Gr- 1
Fe- 1

What am I?

Liza said...

Oh super, I'm poisonous and used as a weapon. Vanilla, my ass!

Van de Gama said...

Long-time reader, have never posted before, but this is definitely worth a shot! Very interesting indeed!

PESTS: 1.5
OVERWATERING: 2.9
UNDERWATERING: 2.3
LIGHT: 1.2
PROPAGATION: 0.7
HUMIDITY: 2.0
TEMPERATURE: 2.1
GROOMING: 1.8
FEEDING: 1

Tigerdawn said...

Ok, here's mine:

pests- 1.8
over- 1.3
under-.6
light- 1.75
prop, literally- 3, metaphorically- .9
humidity- 1.5
temp- 1.3
grooming- 1.8
feeding- 1.2

You are so cool! I wish I had the time to do my equivalent of the things that you do.

Tigerdawn said...

Ok, now DH wants in. :)

pests- 2.5
over- 3*
under- 3
light- 1.5
prop, literally- 2.75, met.- 0
hum.- 2
temp-2
groom-2
feed- .75

*this difference is the cause of almost all of our arguments

mr_subjunctive said...

Leslie:

For your top three I get:
Kalanchoe beharensis 'Fang' (tied for 1st)
Aloe arenicola (tied for 1st)
Aloe haworthioides (tied for 3rd)
Aloe variegata (tied for 3rd)

and your most opposite plant is Hibiscus rosa-sinensis.

-

Aaerelon:

For your top three I get:
Pelargonium x hortorum (closest)
Ficus microcarpa 'Green Island'
and then a three-way tie for third place:
Schlumbergera cvv.
Ficus benjamina
Cuphea ignea

and your opposite is Dracaena deremensis 'Jade Jewel.'

-

Jenn:

For your top three I get
Tetrastigma voinierianum (closest)
and then a tie between Peperomia pereskiifolia and Philodendron erubescens 'Red Emerald.'

Your opposite is Aspidistra lurida 'Milky Way.'

-

Van de Gama:

I'm noticing that the people who pick odd numbers seem to be getting more unique suggestions. Your top three are:
Ludisia discolor
Davallia spp.
Syngonium wendlandii

and your opposite is
Furcraea foetida.

-

Tigerdawn:

Your top three with the literal prop number:
Philodendron bipinnatifidum (?) 'Spicy Dog'
Dendrobium cvv.
Dracaena thalioides

and with the metaphoric prop number:
Cissus rhombifolia
Philodendron bipennifolium
and a tie for third between Dieffenbachia cvv. and Polyscias fruticosa

opposite with the literal prop number:
Begonia rex-cultorum

and opposite with the metaphoric prop number:
Dionaea muscipula.

Your husband's top three (literal prop.):
Cyclamen persicum (tied for 1st)
Schefflera elegantissima (tied for 1st)
Streptocarpus cvv.

Husband's top three (metaphorical prop.) is very funny:
Fatshedera x lizei (closest)
Hedera helix
Fatsia japonica

Husband's opposite (literal prop.):
Bryophyllum daigremontianum

Husband's opposite (metaphorical prop.):
Furcraea foetida

Kathalina said...

Pests 1
overwatering 2
underwatering 1
light 2
propagation 2
humidity 1
temperature 1
grooming 1
feeding 1

Laura said...

I'm interested.

Pests:1
Overwater: 1
Underwater: 2
Light: 2
Propagation: 2
Humidity: 2
Temperature: 1
Grooming: 0.5
Feeding: 1

What a fun thought. Thanks and I enjoy learning more each time I check in here.

mr_subjunctive said...

Kathalina:

Your top three are:
Dendrobium cvv. (closest)
Strelitzia reginae
Polyscias fruticosa (tied for 3rd)
Ficus lyrata (tied for 3rd)

and your most opposite plant is Begonia rex-cultorum.

-

Laura:

Your top three plants are:
Polypodium aureum 'Mandianum' (closest)
Araucaria heterophylla
Microsorum musifolium 'Crocodyllus'

and your most opposite is Fenestraria rhopalophylla.

Laura said...

I never really thought of myself as a fern person. More of a Begonia person as I love all Begonias.

Water Roots said...

Mr. S., this has to be one of your best posts yet; love it. Hey, I'm game. Here are my answers:

PESTS: 1
OVERWATERING: 3
UNDERWATERING: 1
LIGHT: 1
PROPAGATION: 1
HUMIDITY: 1
TEMPERATURE: 1
GROOMING: 0
FEEDING: 1

I hope I'm a plant that I like.

Jenn said...

Ah, cloud forest plants, jungle plants. Yes, yes, yes.

What the blazes am I doing in the middle of the freakin' desert?

This was a lot of fun! Thanks for letting us play.

mr_subjunctive said...

Water Roots:

Well, that's part of the logic of giving you the top three choices: I figure I'm increasing the odds that you'll like at least one of them.

Your top three:
Cordyline glauca (closest),
then a tie between Ficus elastica and Sansevieria trifasciata.

The most opposite plant for those numbers is Hibiscus rosa-sinensis.

paivi said...

Hope you haven't grown tired of analysing results yet...

PESTS: 3
OVERWATER: 2
UNDERWATER: 1
LIGHT: 2
PROPAGATION: 2
HUMIDITY: 1
TEMPERATURE: 1
GROOMING: 3
FEEDING: 3

mr_subjunctive said...

paivi:

Your top three were
Gardenia jasminoides (closest)
Pelargonium x hortorum
Euphorbia pulcherrima

and your opposite was Bryophyllum daigremontianum.

CelticRose said...

Hmm...I'm most like the Wicked Witch of the West and least like the Evil Genius. Not quite sure what to make of that! lol

Ironically enough, my most opposite plant is the one that would be best suited for my growing conditions (dry desert air and benign neglect).

Suzi said...

Here's mine!

PESTS: 2
OVERWATER: 1
UNDERWATER: 1.5
LIGHT: 2
PROPAGATION: 0
HUMIDITY: 1
TEMPERATURE: 1.8
GROOMING: 1.5
FEEDING: 1

Han said...

Thanks for the great game! Here are my numbers:

Pest 1.5
Overwatering 2.2
Underwatering 1
Light 1
Propagation 2.5
Humidity 1
Temperature 2
Grooming 1.5
Feeding 0.8

and my partner's numbers,

Pest 0.8
Overwatering 2
Underwatering 1.5
Light 1
Propagation 1.5
Humidity 1
Temperature 1
Grooming 0.5
Feeding 1

Suzi said...

BTW: How are the plants I sent doing? Has the Scheff shown any signs of rooting for you?

mr_subjunctive said...

Suzi:

The Scheffleras, alas, didn't make it: I stuck them in vermiculite and they drooped and defoliated basically right away. (So I guess it's not always magic.) It may be that they need to be planted immediately after taking the cutting. Not sure.

The other plants are doing well, though.

Your top three plants were:
Aeschynanthus speciosus (closest)
Begonia, rhizomatous types
Nematanthus cvv.

And the opposite:
Furcraea foetida

-

Han:

for your numbers, I get these top three:
Dracaena thalioides (closest)
Dracaena godseffiana (D. surculosa)
Philodendron xanadu

and the opposite:
Begonia rex-cultorum.

for your partner's numbers, the top three:
Cordyline glauca (closest)
Ficus elastica
Ficus lyrata

and the opposite:
also Begonia rex-cultorum.

Cirrat said...

Interesting stuff :-) I wonder what will come up :-D

PESTS: 1 – I am a dog (in the Chinese zodiac, obviously). I can do new people, but when they are under my standards (which are pretty benevolent), I will bite their ass off and tell them to get out of my life. If somebody doesn’t chew on me, I am not harmful to them.
OVERWATER: 2 – After moving for about 13 times, furniture and all, I tend to get careful about what I get. With the exception of house plants, books and audio CDs.
UNDERWATER: 2 – I CAN use replacements and so on, but I detest to. I prefer to look for the type of stuff I need and will not cease untill I a) find out what exactly do I need and b) get it.
LIGHT: 2 – I eat more than I ought to. And I enjoy every single bite of it…
PROPAGATION: 0 for both – I definitely have not had an ordinary life and I definitely want to have as much kids as physically and finantially possible. As for my husband’s opinion on this: I had a nightmare about having octuplets once. He said immediately that it is a good idea and we should go for it. I am scared now :-D
HUMIDITY: 1 – Things I’ve handled are pretty much extraordinaire. Only, they’ve worn me out already and when faced with my pet peeves, I simply explode.
TEMPERATURE: 1 – I can do anything anytime, but I insist that people warn me about incoming emergency as soon as they find out (be it even 30 minutes ahead or something)
GROOMING: 2 – I’m a kinda‘ freak. At first I cultivated this image, because people did not want to approach me that much and less approach was less hazing. Nowadays I long for a bit of boredom, but that never happens. Listen, how many times out of three something breaks down when you travel? For me it’s 3 out of 3 – once thewe was even a train on fire…
FEEDING: 2 – I’ve learned to expect things getting shaken up, so when nothing happens for a long time I get nervous and calm down only when the next weird stuff happens…

mr_subjunctive said...

Cirrat:

Your numbers produce these for the top three:

rhizomatous Begonias (closest)
Gynura aurantiaca
Hypoestes phyllostachya

and the most opposite is
Dracaena deremensis 'Art.'

*Paul said...

PESTS: 1
OVERWATER: 0
UNDERWATER: 2
LIGHT: 1
PROPAGATION: 2
HUMIDITY: 2
TEMPERATURE: 2
GROOMING: 0
FEEDING: 1

An amusing idea. :)

Booeep said...

This is so fun! There has to be money in this...

PESTS: 2
OVERWATER: 3
UNDERWATER: 2
LIGHT: 1
PROPAGATION: 1
HUMIDITY: 2
TEMPERATURE: 2
GROOMING: 1
FEEDING: 2

mr_subjunctive said...

*Paul:

For those numbers, I get a four-way tie for first:
Polypodium aureum 'Mandianum'
Philodendron 'Moonlight'
Philodendron gloriosum
Araucaria heterophylla

with Fenestraria rhopalophylla as your opposite.

-

Booeep:

Your top three were:
Philodendron bipennifolium (closest)
Streptocarpus cvv.
Fatshedera x lizei

And your opposite was Sedum x rubrotinctum.

Suzi said...

Thanks for doing mine! Very interesting, actually.

Sorry to hear about the Schefflera cuttings. Maybe I can send you some more once mine decides to grow a bit. Glad the others are doing well- the aloes you sent me are going crazy. New leaves are coming on quickly.

emily said...

I love a sago palm! and i have horrible, terrible luck with begonias, so that only makes sense. Thanks, this was fascinating!

cindy said...

Are you still running totals through the excel file? Here are my numbers--

PESTS: 2
OVERWATER: 1
UNDERWATER: 2
LIGHT: 2
PROPAGATION: 2
HUMIDITY: 2
TEMPERATURE: 3
GROOMING: 2
FEEDING: 3

mr_subjunctive said...

cindy:

I am. For your numbers, I get:

Caladium cvv.
Cuphea ignea
Codiaeum variegatum

and Bryophyllum daigremontianum as the opposite.

RinTheRed said...

Excellent Idea!

Pests: 1
Overwater: 2
Underwater: 1
Light: 1
Propagation: 0 or Metaphysical: 2
Humidity: 1
Temperature: 2
Grooming: 3
Feeding: 3

mr_subjunctive said...

RinTheRed:

For the literal propagation number, I get:
Saintpaulia ionantha cvv. (closest)
Nematanthus cvv.
and then a tie for third between rhizomatous Begonias and Hypoestes phyllostachya.

The opposite plant comes up as Furcraea foetida.

For the metaphorical propagation number, I get:
Paphiopedilum cvv. (closest)
Saintpaulia ionantha cvv.
Ficus microcarpa 'Green Island'

and an opposite of Bryophyllum daigremontianum.

RinTheRed said...

Thank you!

cindy said...

thanks! I see that i would be high maintenance in your household! :)

Ivynettle said...

If you're still doing this:

Pests: 1
Overwatering: 2
Underwatering: 1
Light: 1
Propagation: 1 (both literal and metaphorical)
Humidity: 2
Temperature: 2
Grooming: 1
Feeding: 1.5

mr_subjunctive said...

Ivynettle:

For your three I get:
Philodendron bipennifolium (closest)
Scindapsus pictus
Oncidium cvv.

and for the opposite,
Hibiscus rosa-sinensis.

Ivynettle said...

Bwahahaha - now I know why I didn't buy a Hibiscus today!

Mae said...

Would you mind if I repost your plant profile for me (Calathea ornata) on my blog, giving you full credit and linkage, but still reposting the words verbatim on my blog? I couldn't remember your policy or opinion on this so wanted to ask before I "stole" your words (even though I'll make it clear that they're yours, not mine...)

Lemme know when you get a chance. Thanks!

mr_subjunctive said...

Mae:

Replying on your blog.

What's Next said...

PESTS: 1
OVERWATER: 2
UNDERWATER: 0
LIGHT: 1
PROPAGATION: 2.5
HUMIDITY: 1.5
TEMPERATURE: 1
GROOMING: 2
FEEDING: 1

mr_subjunctive said...

What's Next:

Dendrobium cvv. (closest)
Dracaena surculosa
Dieffenbachia cvv. / Philodendron 'Autumn' (tied)

opposite: Begonia rex-cultorum

davelybob said...

if you're still game to do this:

P 1
O 1
U 1.5
L 3
P 2
H 1
T 1
G 2
F 1.5

mr_subjunctive said...

davelybob:

I get:
Murraya paniculata (closest)
Oxalis triangularis
Caryota mitis / Persea americana (tied)

with Dracaena deremensis 'Jade Jewel' as the opposite.

Unknown said...

Hi Mr S.
My numbers are weird, probably because I have Asperger's. I'm fascinated to see what sort of plants are Aspergery!

PESTS: 2.9 Other people are problematic. I'm good in rigidly defined situations, but hopeless at free form interactions.

OVERWATER: 0.5 I'm not QUITE a hoarder because I use my stuff - BUT - I've got a hell of a lot of stuff and it does tend to get a bit out of control now and then.

UNDERWATER: 2.5 I once spent the better part of a week looking for a refrigerator with egg racks, it HAD to have egg racks, that was a deal breaker! I'm like that with most things - I know exactly what I want and no substitute will do.

LIGHT: 2 This is the one I'd most like to change, I aspire to be a 1.

PROPAGATION: 2 metaphorical but 3 literal, unless CATS count.

HUMIDITY: 3 I don't do pressure - it causes meltdowns.

TEMPERATURE: 3 Same as for pressure, I need my own timeframes.

GROOMING: 2.9 I've never met another ME, but I'm leaving a sliver of room for doubt (It's a big planet)

FEEDING: 0 Routine is really necessary to me, without it I am lost. The trick is to have enough varied activities in the routine so it's not boring.

mr_subjunctive said...

Unknown:

Your top three were:

Calathea ornata (closest)
Alocasia amazonica 'Polly'
Podocarpus macrophyllus

The most opposite plant was Alworthia 'Black Gem.'