Thursday, November 17, 2011

Monstrosithurium

Remember this spring, when we all got to bemoan the existence of dye-injected orchids? (Phalaenopsitrocity! Dendrobomination!)

Well, certain douchemonkeys have decided that those were such a great idea that they're wanting to do the same thing with Anthuriums.


Presently, one "breeder" is offering a white Anthurium that's been infused with blue or yellow dye. The picture at the link doesn't actually look that terrible, but I'm guessing it's also been very carefully manipulated. The dyed Dendrobium and Phalaenopsis probably look very nice too, if there's enough Photoshop involved.

I have no hope of being able to stop dyed Anthuriums from happening (indeed, my guess is that in the future, all plants will be available in every color of the rainbow, and every one of them will rebloom white), but I figured I should at least warn y'all that this is on the way.


16 comments:

Thomas said...

Is it me, or isn't there something very wrong with giving a plant with dyed flowers a name?

And I don't quite buy the title of the article, but I suppose if you weren't listening to closely 'raspberries' could be confused for buzzing...

Liza said...

This makes me anthry. (Anthurius?)

Have they no shame?

Don't answer. I already know shame is a scare commodity when there are dollars and fools to be had.

Pat said...

Considering the Eurozone is a bit wobbly at the moment it might be possible for one houseplant blogger to spread the right rumours to bring it crashing down. No more Netherlands, no more dyed innocents.

Rumours of incurable bulb rot and cane toads hiding in the pots should do it. Though the actual reality of the plant trade introducing Phytophthora ramorum to the UK has not changed the rules at all.

Diana said...

Thanks for the heads up. I've been keeping my eye out for a Purple Anthurium since I saw one in Panama (I KNEW I shouldn't smuggled a cutting through customs!). Now if I find one I know I'll have to ask if it was injected with dye.

Will the insanity never end?

Anonymous said...

I actually like the yellow anthuriums. What a great alternative to callas which look like crap after a week. I think they'd (anth.) sell like hotcakes!

BTW: The purple anth. are a true hybrid. They rebloom (easily) with the same purple hue, although the blooms are smaller than other varieties.

mr_subjunctive said...

Anonymous:

I'm pretty sure Diana knows that the purples are a true hybrid; she's saying that if she sees a purple Anthurium in the stores now, she won't have any way to be sure it's a hybrid and not just a dyed version of some other variety.

No doubt the yellow Anthuriums would sell great, yes. I'm not worried that the sellers won't be able to make money doing this. I'm worried that this is going to teach people not to buy Anthuriums.

Paul said...

Maybe we can convince the Taliban that these "beauties" (*retch*) are a threat to their way of life ...

mr_subjunctive said...

Paul:

Does the Taliban even exist outside of Afghanistan/Pakistan, though?

Besides which, you don't want to accidentally bring the U.S. military in to defend the rights of the Dutch to sell dye-infused plants.

Loona said...

huh. I am also quite upset about these dyed plants - here in Hungary the recent dying craze is around Kalanchoe blossfeldiana. I have seen them (usually in supermarkets or shops not selling plants as a main business) a couple of times just the last few weeks, yep, they are also blue, and the price is three times more than that of the "boring" originals colours (the next time I see them I may take some pics if you want to share my pain). first they stroke my attention and I was like "Wow, blue K. blossfeldianas, I have never known they exist (yeah, it was already fishy here, but you never know). I must have them! <3" and only when I rushed closer to the stand did I notice it's actually dyed, got angry and left. since that the poor creatures seem to be everywhere T___T
not that I don't love blue flowers and/or wouldn't love to see more houseplants with blue flowers around, but no thanks, not like this. this is simply not good :S

mr_subjunctive said...

Loona:

Yeah, if you can get some pictures sometime, I'd be interested to see what they look like. How could you tell they were dyed?

Ivynettle said...

Ugh... I'm a little scared of going plant-shopping again (was planning to when my winter break starts, which should be next week).

Loona said...

ok, I will keep my eyes open :)
what gave it away was that not only the flowers but also the whole plant looked more or less blueish as the dye was visible in its leaves as well (just like a blue-dyed cut rose's leaves are blueish, so somehow you can "track" the path of water - and paint - inside the plant).

Anonymous said...

Aw you guys are party-poopers. I'm already picturing an Easter display of those buttery yellow Anthuriums in dark willow baskets with 'neon' Algerian ivy. It'll be beautiful. Since when did beautiful become wrong?

Jenny

Nate said...

It's not so much "wrong" per-se as it is Uncanny valley. Like a celebrity with one too many bad plastic surgeries, or one of those "real doll" things.

mr_subjunctive said...

Anonymous (Jenny):

Beautiful isn't wrong. Paying a higher price for beauty that can only happen once is more questionable. If I wanted cut flowers, I'd just buy cut flowers.

Nate:

Yeah. Though I wouldn't have nearly the problem with bred Anthuriums of the same color: it's the knowing how they got that way that I find upsetting, not so much the look on its own. I'm not arguing that they're not pretty.[1] They may look great now; it may be really good plastic surgery, but as with plastic surgery, it's not going to age well.

-

[1] (I am pretty much arguing that the lurid blue Phalaenopsis and blue-black Dendrobums aren't pretty, though. And although I'd have to see photos to be sure, I can't imagine that a blue Anthurium is going to look anything but fake.)

Anonymous said...

I am not a fan of blue phals personally. But people buy them. I make a point of telling them that when they re-bloom, they'll be white. I also point out that white phals are our best-seller, the most popular, in-demand by designer, phal. They sell like fricken hotcakes. Same thing for the yellow anthuriums. Who cares if they re-bloom white? White is awesome!

Jenny