List: Plants Which Someone on the Internet has Said Bring Bad Luck

Someone visited PATSP last week via a Google search for "is euphorbia milii a bad luck plant," or something to that effect. Which is interesting. So I googled it myself, which brought me to this page, in which the author had received a question from someone wanting to know if her mother's recurrent, advanced cancer was related to the E. milii plants she'd grown "multiple varieties" of, and if so, whether she should destroy the plants.

Euphorbia milii.
So far, so heartbreaking, but the post attracted a comment confirming that the plant was terrible, and harbored bad spirits, and would kill entire families given half a chance to do so, as demonstrated by the sad (unconfirmable) case of someone (no name given) in the Middle East (country unspecified) who owned one, whose entire family died (by unspecified means), so then he was going to destroy the plant (because somehow he knew the plant was responsible?), but then another guy (likewise unnamed) saw the plant before it was destroyed and took a piece of it home with him to the Philippines. At which point the anecdote stopped because the comment-writer got distracted or something, but I assume s/he was going to go on to say that that person's whole family died horribly as well: s/he was very clear that E. milii was a bad, terrible, no good, evil, dangerous plant which should be eradicated from the face of the earth.¹

Which is of course makes the situation that much worse, because now not only did the original questioner's mother have recurrent, advanced cancer, but I'm guessing her daughter also probably collected and destroyed her Euphorbia milii collection, which for all we know had been the woman's pride and joy for years.²

As if the plants were going to give her cancer again.

I did leave a comment, but I was about two years too late.

*sigh*

So that got me thinking about the concept of "bad luck" plants in general. I'd never heard of Euphorbia milii being bad luck before, much less harboring evil spirits, so I figured there were probably lots of other so-called "bad luck" plants I'd just not heard of before. So I googled. And boy, are there.

But first, let me just say -- the below is mostly pharmaceutical-grade bullshit. Plants don't contain or attract evil spirits; you're not going to change your life by buying, rearranging, or discarding them; they don't bring good or bad luck. Good stuff happens. Bad stuff happens. Because the good and bad stuff happens randomly, some people get more of it than others, but that doesn't have anything to do with what plants people grow. I mean, if having lucky bamboo nearby were actually lucky, then the people of Cameroon, where D. sanderiana is native, would be the wealthiest, happiest, longest-lived people in the world, yes? And yet.³

As has always been the case, the way to live a life of minimal unpleasantness is to be rich and powerful or related to someone who is. The plants you grow or don't grow are really not factors. (And anyway, if you're going to avoid everything on this list, you may as well just give up trying to grow plants, period.)

I've linked the sources for the various claims of bad luck, and either quoted or summarized the relevant parts. All quotations are [sic]. Sometimes I've added my own comments to the end.

Chlorophytum comosum.
(link)"Am I the only who has herd this one before? If you own a spider plant you will be cursed with bad luck. So anyone herd this old tale or know someone who owned the plant and had bad luck until getting rid of it? Odd I can't seem to find anything online about the topic but I herd it from someone so I wondered what you all thought." (-PillsburyDoughboy)
My comment: the general consensus from the people who replied was that either 1) they're not bad luck, or 2) that they might be, but everybody really hoped they weren't.⁴


Hedera helix
(link)Summary: ivy is bad luck inside but good outside. It's particularly bad to give it to someone who is ill.

(link⁵)My recollection is that this also said basically that ivy was bad luck inside the home.

(link)Summary: unlucky as a gift, "a person who grows ivy will always be poor," only permissible indoors as Christmas decoration.
My comment: you may as well go ahead and take this as true, because Hedera are often lousy houseplants. It's not that they're unlucky, just that they're unsuited to indoor cultivation unless you have a cool, bright, moist home, which few of us do.


Aloe vera
(link)"Some say that its bad luck to grow aloe vera plant at home, is it true?" (-ahelas_123)
My comment: the few people who replied said no, not bad luck.


Any and all thorny/spiky plants, especially cacti (probably also includes Pachypodium, Agaves, most Euphorbias, Pandanus veitchii, and pretty much anything else that could be worth growing). Shown: unidentified cactus.
(link)Summary: thorny plants shouldn't go inside the home or close to one's front door, but you can plant as many as you like outside the house.

(link)Summary: Friends of the author's suffered terrible catastrophes (unspecified) after putting cactus plants on their windowsills, because cacti send out "little slivers of bad energy" which accumulate like dust bunnies until something bad happens.⁶ Then the friends took the cacti away and the bad things stopped happening.

(link)"many people say that cactuses are bad luck especially if you place it inside your home, but i don't believe in that stupid idea, whoever said that, well i'm so sorry but i really don't believe you... I really love plants, i have my collection of cactuses at home, i just love them, they're very nice to look at..." (-Cosepqueenie)
My comment: replies amounted to one person saying "well, you don't have to believe it, sweetie" and two bits of spam.

(link)Summary: cacti are specifically believed to be bad luck in Hungary, apparently.


Bonsai specimens (Juniperus, Acer, etc.). Shown: Juniperus sp.
(link)Summary: bonsai represent stunted growth and thereby make for bad symbolism. Or something.


"Overgrown" plants (?). Shown: Pilea depressa.
(link)Summary: they give off bad vibes.⁷


Murraya paniculata.
(link)"The Murraya is a silent, slow killer. Those flu symptoms that you have been experiencing are thanks to the innocent looking orange jasmine. Get rid of it NOW or face a lifetime of illness." (Anonymous PATSP commenter, whose family is apparently allergic to the plant, which is a very different thing from the plant being a "silent, slow killer."⁸)


Cordyline fruticosa, red cvv.
(link)"Some people believe red ti plant invites bad luck."
My comment: the page also says that "Hawaiians think this plant is a charm against evil," which means that whether good things or bad things happen to you after buying a red ti plant, the page predicted that it would happen.

(link)Summary: Cordyline is a low-maintenance and colorful plant which is often grown in Singaporean cemeteries, because it's low-maintenance and colorful. Consequently, people believe it to be bad luck, because if it isn't bad luck then what's it doing in all those cemeteries, with the dead people?




Codiaeum variegatum (croton).
(link)Summary: Same as for Cordyline fruticosa: it's bad because it's grown in cemeteries; it's grown in cemeteries because it doesn't need a lot of tending.


Epipremnum aureum (pothos).
(link)Summary: [every bad thing that's happened to five (?) different families over a period of several years] (-tablariddim)
The original questioner hasn't considered the possibility that bad things often happen in close proximity to pothos because everyfuckingbody has a pothos.


Night-blooming / night-fragrant plants, especially those with white flowers and/or heavy fragrance, e.g. Cereus peruvianus, Epiphyllum cvv., Cestrum nocturnum, Hoyas, Sansevieria trifasciata?, Peniocereus greggii. Shown: Hoya lacunosa.
(link)Summary: Night-blooming plants are unlucky because in some cultures, suddenly detecting a flower's scent indicates the presence of spirits nearby. (See Musa and Ensete spp. below.) Also white is the color of death and mourning in these cultures too, so the fact that many night-opening flowers are also white just makes them that much scarier.
My comment: night-blooming flowers do tend to be fragrant or white or both, because both qualities make it easier for nocturnal pollinators to locate the flower.


Musa and Ensete spp. (bananas), Plumeria spp. (frangipani). Shown: Musa NOID.
(link)Summary: Banana trees are believed to contain spirits called "Pontianaks" who are the ghosts of women who died in childbirth. Pontianaks appear in the form of beautiful women, "dig into the . . . stomach with long sharp fingernails," and eat "it" (presumably the stomach?). They also attack pregnant women, and announce their presence by the smell of jasmine or Plumeria, followed by a horrible stench. A pontianak can be controlled by tying a red thread around a banana tree and tying the other end to the foot of one's bed; it then has to do the bidding of whoever tied the thread or whoever sleeps in the bed or something like that. (Site wasn't specific.)


Chrysanthemum cvv. Shown: Chrysanthemum NOID.
(link)Summary: Thought to attract the ghost of Okiku, who cries a lot, for reasons which vary according to the version of the story being told.

(link)Summary: bad luck because of its association with funerals.


Bamboo varieties. Shown: Pogonantherum paniceum.
(link)Summary: Contain evil spirits and/or ghosts.


Plumeria cvv. (frangipani)
(link)Summary: the Thai word for Plumeria means sadness, so obviously it's bad luck. It's believed to house the ghosts of evil people. Plus there's the whole thing about smelling the fragrance when a pontianak is nearby.


Tradescantia zebrina cvv. (wandering jew)
(link)Summary: the unluckiness of wandering jew is apparently a long-standing superstition in the U.S., though I'd never heard of it.⁹


Drosera spp.
(link)Summary: Not a lot of information to go on, but is apparently unlucky for sheep in particular?


Any plant that blooms out of season. Shown: Aechmea fasciata.
(link)Summary: plants blooming out of season were thought to be "touched by the devil."
I assume this would apply to plants that were chemically induced to bloom, so most store-bought Spathiphyllums, Schlumbergeras and bromeliads, would probably qualify. Also Euphorbia pulcherrima are usually induced to bloom a bit earlier than they normally would, in order to sell at Christmas, so they'd at least sort of count. (And we all know that poinsettias are touched by the devil regardless.) Probably lots of other things too.

No doubt I've missed some: it's difficult subject matter for a Google search, because one also runs into a lot of pages where people say they have bad luck with this plant or that plant, which is obviously different from having bad luck due to the plant. So let me know if you run into other examples.

-

¹ The full comment, copied from the site:

shayne Says:
January 18th, 2010 at 10:58 am

yeah.. its true.. the plant euphorbia is “MALAS”.. it has a bad spirit.. that causes many sickness.. and can cuase death for the whole family who lives in the house with euphorbia plants.. it is proven.. ive searched about this plant.. that is from the middle east.. one man there that owns that plant .. his family was died becauseof that plant.. after of wat happened to his famiy he decided to destroy it. but before he destroy it a seaman saw it and get one of it.. and that seaman brought it in the phillipines.. it is proven that if you have that plant in your house your family will always get sick.. that sometimes causes death for the whole family.. because that plant grows even you dont watered him.. it is beautiful to see.. but it brings badluck to your life.. so if you dont want bad luck happens to you and to your family.. destroy that plant.. and its better to tell it to your other friends about it.. to prevent the growing numbers of that plant.. im juz a concerned citizen.. thats why im telling you this. its all up to you if your going to beleive it..

[sic, obviously]
² (I mean, maybe not, but the plants must have been around for a while: if they were new, it wouldn't make any sense to blame them for the cancer. Not that it makes sense to blame them for the cancer anyway, but you know what I'm saying.)
³ One could make a fairly strong argument that Japanese knotweed -- native to prosperous East Asian countries like Japan, China, and South Korea, widespread and invasive in Europe, the U.S., and Canada -- is one of the most potent good-luck plants in the world, based on the economic situations of the countries where it's found. I mean, it would be extremely irresponsible to make that argument, but some people would find it convincing.
⁴ Tip: if you have to hope that it's not bad luck, because you've had a bunch of them for several years, then it's not. You would obviously notice it, if the bad luck were real. As would everybody else who's grown one.
⁵ This site was down when I was trying to write the post, but it worked when I was searching initially, so I don't know whether you'll be able to get to it or not. My recollection is that it said basically the same thing as snopes.com.)
⁶ I don't believe anyone has ever shown any physical evidence for the existence or accumulation of "energy shards," nor measured the rate at which they accumulate, nor defined the quantity necessary to cause "bad luck," nor explained how removing the source makes them go away. (When you remove a shedding dog from a house, does the accumulated hair disappear from the carpet? No? Then why would removing a plant make the accumulated energy shards disappear?)
Not that one would necessarily expect this to be the sort of detail you'd go into in the sort of breezy, informal book I've linked to, but -- well, that's sort of the problem: the feng shui community doesn't seem to publish anything that isn't breezy and informal.
⁷ (No, really, that's pretty much all it says.)
⁸ Among the differences: if you're allergic to plant X, it does not necessarily follow that all human beings are allergic to plant X. Also -- we've had the plant almost five years now: if it's going to kill us, it's taking its time about it.
⁹ (I suspect that most of these aren't actually believed by very many people, even in their country/region of origin.)

If You Were a Houseplant, What Kind of Houseplant Would You Be?

Gentle readers:

Just for shiggles, let's ponder the title question.

Obviously human beings' needs for things like water and temperature are going to be pretty similar, and we already know which plants are compatible with regular human environments, because those are the plants we grow indoors, where we live, already. Therefore, we have to resort to metaphor for this.

So what I'm asking everybody to do (if you want) is, evaluate yourselves on a 0-3 scale, as described below, for each of the criteria, and then leave a comment, containing the numbers you come up with for yourself. I'll run your numbers through Excel, match them against the ratings for plants I've already got in the spreadsheet, and then post a list of the three plants with number sets most similar to the set you've given me.¹ You may use any number between 0 and 3 (like, if you're just positive you're a 2.68 on something, the number 2.68 works as well as any other for calculating, so go ahead and tell me 2.68.). If you don't like my metaphors for which personality traits go with which plant-care categories, feel free to make up your own and give me those numbers instead.

Euphorbia grandicornis. An extrovert.
PESTS are obviously other people.
0- People are great. I love meeting new people, and get along with everybody.
1- I like most people, though occasionally I run into someone I can't get along with.
2- I don't work or play well with others, but when I have to, I have to.
3- Other people are constantly getting in my way, being stupid, or otherwise causing me problems, and I wish I didn't have to deal with them.

Pogonantherum paniceum. A hoarder.
Water is sort of raw material for doing anything, for plants. Basically "stuff." So for OVERWATERING, the question is how unsettled you are by having too much stuff, too much clutter, in your life.
0- I'm a hoarder.
1- I keep stuff a lot longer than I need to, and regularly buy stuff for which I have no immediate use.
2- Things occasionally get out of hand, but most of the time I keep my space fairly neat and organized.
3- I can't stand any kind of mess, even in space that doesn't belong to me.

Beaucarnea recurvata. A DIYer/survivalist type.
And for UNDERWATERING, it's about how big of a problem it is for you not to have the things you need.
0- I can make anything I need from scratch using only duct tape and twigs, and sometimes I don't need the twigs.
1- I can usually improvise a bad substitute from something I already have, without having to buy something new.
2- I've been known to waste time going to multiple stores, trying to find something that will work perfectly.
3- I'll drop everything and drive for an hour to get exactly the right item.

Pilosocereus pachycladus. Belongs to Overeaters Anonymous.
LIGHT is basically energy input, for plants, which I think most closely parallels food consumption in humans. So
0- I'm basically anorexic.
1- I eat sensibly, most of the time.
2- I eat more than I ought to.
3- I eat anything that isn't nailed down.

Plectranthus verticillatus. Is basically Michelle Duggar.
For PROPAGATION, you have a choice: you can either treat it pretty literally, about your chances of having actual children, and the number of children, in your lifetime (0-I want to have a house full of kids / 1-definitely want some kids / 2-I might want one kid, someday / 3-I never want to have any children ever, or I can't have any childen ever), or you can be metaphorical:
0- I'm very proud of how much stuff I've accomplished in my life, compared to others my age.
1- There have been some unproductive spells, but I think on balance I've done quite a bit of cool stuff.
2- I could definitely have accomplished more if I'd worked harder, but considering what I had to work with I think I've done a couple worthwhile things.
3- I'm not sure I've ever done anything worthwhile in my life.

Begonia rex-cultorum 'Escargot.' Voted Most Likely To Go Postal.
HUMIDITY . . . I'm going to say stress-management and ability to function under pressure, and/or ability to deal with frustration.
0- I deal exceptionally well with stress most of the time. Other people even compliment me on it and ask what my secret is. I'm thinking I should write a book.
1- I handle certain kinds of stress (like pushy co-workers or intense deadline pressure) very well, and other kinds (like disorganized workspace or lazy co-workers) not so much.
2- I work okay under moderate amounts of pressure, but fall apart when it goes on for a long time without a break/vacation or when I'm being asked to perform an exceptionally impossible task.
3- The slightest little thing will make me stress out to the point of being completely unable to function.

Homalomena 'Emerald Gem.' "I CAN'T RUSH MY PROCESS, MAN!"
TEMPERATURE is a toughie, but I'm thinking it has to do with the intensity of daily activity, kinda. Since the meaning as it applies to plants has to do with the allowable range of temperatures, this is basically a measurement of how flexible you can be.
0- Whenever and however you want it, that's when I'll get it to you.
1- It's nice to have a little advance warning about things, but basically I can work at whatever speed is necessary without getting stressed about it.
2- I need to know pretty specifically what you want and how soon you want it, and depending on your deadlines I may or may not be able to get it to you.
3- I am no good with other people's deadlines. I have to work at my own pace, which is sometimes superfast and sometimes superslow, but I can't be rushed to do things faster, and I can't wait around for someone else's input once I'm ready to go.

Zamioculcas zamiifolia. Married, 2.5 kids, lives in suburbs.
GROOMING usually works out in the plant profiles as having special circumstances or quirks of care that aren't covered under one of the other categories but make the plant more difficult. So metaphorically, if your life is unusual in some way, compared to the average person in your country, because of who you are (disabled, gay, famous, independently wealthy, mentally ill), where you live (hippie commune, military, expat), or some other way that creates challenges for you that other people don't have or appreciate (self-employed, caring for a relative with special needs, religious minority, group marriage), this is where to note that.
0- I'm painfully ordinary in every possible way.
1- My life is a little weird.
2- I'm kind of a freak.
3- My life circumstances may be entirely unique in the history of the world.

Hibiscus rosa-sinensis. Goes skydiving on weekends.
FEEDING for plants is the input of trace elements, so for people I'm going to say it's about the need for novelty and stimulation, about how bored you get and how easily.
0- I'd be pretty happy to get on a routine that worked for me and stay in that routine until I die, with no changes at all.
1- Having a stable, routine life is definitely important to me, but it's nice to get away and do something different every once in a while.
2- I like to shake things up regularly, so I don't get into a rut.
3- I have to be doing something new constantly -- going new places, learning new things, trying new forms of physical activity -- or I get bored and cranky.

My personal numbers fall out as follows:

PESTS: 2.5
OVERWATER: 1
UNDERWATER: 1
LIGHT: 2
PROPAGATION: 1
HUMIDITY: 2
TEMPERATURE: 2.5
GROOMING: 1.5
FEEDING: 1

My closest match turns out to be Philodendron gloriosum.² I'm the son of a Stromanthe sanguinea (Mom) and a Schefflera actinophylla (Dad),³ and I married a Philodendron 'Xanadu.' (So not only same-sex marriage, but same-metaphorical-genus marriage!)

Moi.
The husband points out that there could be a financial opportunity in this, somewhere. Some kind of horti-horoscopes (Rhapis: your sharp tongue may get you in trouble with your boss today, unless you remember to think before you speak."), or personality tests, which could be sold to businesses or used in marriage counseling. ("Well, there's your problem: you're an Agave and he's a Dieffenbachia. What you need is to neutralize your Agave nature by buying its opposite, which is a Begonia rex-cultorum, and then your relationship will be saved.") He's probably right.

None of this, of course, actually means a damn thing, but hey. If you need to have an answer ready just in case you run into Barbara Walters,⁴ leave your set of numbers in comments, and I'll crunch the numbers and post your results when I get the chance. You don't necessarily have to subscribe to my interpretation of the appropriate metaphors for each criterion, either. Make up your own and give me those numbers if you like.

-

¹ The similarity is determined by comparing each plant-rating criterion, C, against the respondent's rating, R, for each of the nine criteria as follows:
similarity = sqrt[(C1-R1)^2 + (C2-R2)^2 + (C3-R3)^2 + . . . + (C9-R9)^2]
It's not merely a matter of comparing the difficulty numbers and picking the three which are closest. Consequently, the results that come up may vary considerably in difficulty ranking, owing to differences in how difficulty-rating criteria are weighted relative to one another, and that sort of thing.
² I ran this both with the metaphorical propagation numbers and the literal ones, and the highest-ranking plant on both lists was P. gloriosum.
³ As not all possible values are represented among the plants, one cannot necessarily figure out what the person is like by knowing what their corresponding plant is. Philodendron gloriosum, for example, is not particularly bothered by pests (I had spider mites once), even though my pest number was very high: it's just the closest fit from among the nine values, among the 300ish plants for which I have values. Dad is totally a Schefflera actinophylla, though.
⁴ In 1981, during an interview with Katherine Hepburn, Barbara Walters asked "If you were a tree, what kind would you be?" This was of course roundly mocked at the time, though Walters has since defended the question by pointing out that Hepburn brought up the whole tree thing first, by saying she would like to be a tree.
So even if it's not going to help you if you run into Barbara Walters in a dark alley someplace (*shudder*), you never know when it might be handy to have a quick answer ready for questions like this.

List: Houseplants With Finely-Divided, "Fluffy" Foliage

This list is another request from Joseph Tychonevich at Greensparrow Gardens, and I'm not sure if he was meaning anything fluffy-looking (in which case Soleirolia soleirolii, baby tears, would count) or anything with pinnate/bipinnate/tripinnate foliage, in which case Zamia spp., cardboard palms, would count). So I've tried to restrict myself to stuff that qualifies either way, stuff that both looks fluffy and soft (doesn't mean it actually is soft, by the way) and has finely-divided foliage.

In practice, this seems to mean mostly ferns and palms, but I found a couple other options too. It's a tough category. Additional suggestions are welcome.

Araucaria heterophylla. (Norfolk Island pine)

Asparagus plumosus (shown) and other Asparagus spp. (asparagus fern)

Chamaedorea elegans. (parlor palm)

Davallia tyermanii (shown) and other Davallia spp. (rabbits-foot fern)

Pogonantherum paniceum. (house bamboo)

Polypodium formosanum 'Cristatum.' (ET fern)

Polyscias fruticosa var. elegans. (parsley aralia)

Radermachera sinica. (China doll)

Schefflera (Dizygotheca) elegantissima. (false aralia)

Selaginella kraussiana. (club moss)
I like the look of a lot of these, but have had bad experiences with quite a few of them, too, and even the ones I haven't had bad experiences with tend to be difficult plants for most people. So I can recommend Araucaria heterophylla, which is pretty agreeable if you give it decently bright light and are consistent about watering; Davallia spp., which are a bit more challenging than most plants but are pretty reasonable, as ferns go; and Polyscias fruticosa var. elegans, which, like the regular P. fruticosa, is not quite as fearsome as its reputation would suggest.

I anti-recommend Pogonantherum paniceum, because my own plant needed so much water, so often, that I could only keep it going for four and a half months, and it didn't look so hot by the end of about two. I also discourage people from Chamaedorea elegans whenever I get the chance: I know there are people out there who can grow them and find them easy, but I am not one of those people, nor is WCW. In my experience, C. elegans either get spider mites, then black tips, and die, or they get black tips, then spider mites, then die. Unless they're in a greenhouse. Where they just get spider mites. Finally, I'd suggest the reader not try Selaginella kraussiana without the aid of a terrarium. I haven't tried the plant at all, personally, with or without, but they have pretty extreme moisture needs.

Not pictured:

Adiantum spp. (maidenhair ferns)
Chamaedorea cataractum (cat palm)
Chrysalidocarpus lutescens (butterfly palm)
Didymochlaena trunculata (mahogany fern)
Howea forsteriana (kentia palm)
Nephrolepis exaltata cvv., in particular the cv. 'Fluffy Ruffles' (Boston fern)
Pellaea rotundifolia (button fern)
Philodendron bipinnatifidum (tree philodendron, selloum philodendron) (should this count?)
Polyscias fruticosa (ming aralia)
Schefflera arboricola (umbrella plant, umbrella tree) (should this count?)
Scyphularia pycnocarpa (black caterpillar fern, Davallia pentaphylla)
Selaginella erythropus (red club moss)

Random plant event: Pogonantherum paniceum flowers

Bought a "house bamboo" (Pogonantherum paniceum) a while back in the Quad Cities, and although I have trouble keeping up with the amount of water it needs, it's surviving so far. And it's a cool little plant:


I tried to bring some in on the last tropical order from Florida, but there's apparently a difference between a plant being available and a plant being something you can actually bring in: a lot of times we're told that something is available and then at the last minute we can't get it anyway, because the crop in question looks bad, or because we're not ordering enough to make a minimum order for some vendor or another, or because it was a mistake and that was never an available plant in the first place. It makes for a frustrating experience sometimes.

Anyway. So now I'm wondering if it wasn't all for the best that I couldn't get them, because mine at home has started to bloom:


I know just enough about bamboo to be worried (some species flower and then die, all at once, all over the world), but not enough to be sure what's going to happen to this one in particular (P. paniceum may or may not be one of the plants that do this). I'm not sure where I'd even look to find out.

Meanwhile, after spending yesterday trying to figure out what I'm feeling about David Foster Wallace's suicide, I think I've settled on an emotion: unsettled. I'm not angry, I'm not depressed, I'm slightly sad, but mostly I'm feeling disturbed. Anxious. Restless. Like there's something I'm supposed to do about this.