Friday, November 30, 2012

Pretty picture: Rhyncholaelia digbyana

BEST LITTLE GREENHOUSE IN TEXAS p. 6

INT. GREENHOUSE - DAY

Many customers milling around in the garden center's greenhouse. The sound of approaching rapid footsteps. MR. SUBJUNCTIVE runs into the room from the left, breathless, and stops in front of a plant.

MR. SUBJUNCTIVE (shouting)
Look! An orchid!1


The CROWD OF SHOPPERS shuffles toward the indicated flower.
CROWD OF SHOPPERS
(murmuring) Oh my gosh, it sure is, wow how pretty, Judy will you look at that, etc.

MR. SUBJUNCTIVE looks behind himself, then resumes running and exits room to the right.

WOMAN #1
Who was that?

WOMAN #2
I didn't get a good look. Was that Mr. Subjunctive?

POLICE enter from left, running, followed by 12-year-old JIMMY, on a bicycle.

ADULT JIMMY (V. O.)
Later, of course, we found out that it didn't mean anything, that Mr. Subjunctive was just trying to jazz up the blog with a random snippet of drama because he didn't have anything interesting to say about Rhyncholaelia digbyana. But once word got around that Mrs. Carlson had just been found dead, buried under a pile of Cattleyas in her home, with spelling corrections written in black Sharpie on about half the tags,2 things didn't look good for him. No wonder he ran.

CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM

MR. SUBJUNCTIVE sits at table in room, alone, while CHIEF MARTINEZ and OFFICER SCHENKENBERG watch him through the one-way glass.

MARTINEZ
You get anything out of him?

SCHENKENBERG
He just said he was helping the old lady correct her plant tags day before yesterday and doesn't know anything. Then he started asking for a lawyer.

MARTINEZ
Correcting her plant tags? Does anybody actually give a shit about whether plants are identified correctly?

SCHENKENBERG
I don't know, Chief. Sounded fishy to me too. Should we get him his lawyer?

MARTINEZ
Ennh. Go ahead, but you don't have to hurry. Maybe we can get him to say something before the lawyer gets here.3

-

1 (That I blogged about previously!)
2 For the record, this plant was tagged correctly.
3 Obviously there would be more to the story than this, but let's pretend the rest of the script has been lost, 'cause I don't think I'll be able to write a complete script. And probably the story is all downhill from this point anyway. I didn't really plan anything out.


6 comments:

CelticRose said...

ROTFLOL!!

I lost it at the corrected plant tags. That is so you!

The Phytophactor said...

I got severely reprimanded by a docent at the Chelsea Physic Garden when I moved a misplaced label to the correct location in a bed of plants. Luckily my business card convinced the fellow I knew what I was doing.

Anonymous said...

Made my Friday :-)

Anonymous said...

...that's an orchid? I'll be...

Nadya W-G said...

Gosh darn it. No further dramatization? Do you realize how many people something like that would bring to this blog, man!?

mr_subjunctive said...

Nadya W-G:

Four? Five?