Pretty pictures: Lithops cvv.

These photos are from October 13, at the ex-job. Not particularly Halloween-appropriate, I'm aware. (Unless you find plants that will die from getting a teaspoon of water at the wrong moment scary -- and you probably ought to.)

Rumble Among the Jungle, Matches 1.45-1.48

Rules and Stuff
1) It's probably possible to vote more than once per poll, but please don't. If I believe that someone is voting repeatedly, I will throw out those results, repost the poll, and seriously question that person's priorities.
2) If you want to link to a poll on Twitter / Facebook / your blog / whatever and encourage your friends to come and pump up the support for your favorite plants, you are encouraged to do so.
3) You are also encouraged to leave comments on Rumble posts, if so moved.
4) All photos will enlarge if opened in a separate window/tab.
5) You can choose which plant is "best" according to whatever criteria you decide for yourself. My personal process is a bit convoluted.¹
6) All polls will be open for three days.

Results from matches 1.29 to 1.32:

Ordinarily I write up the results about six or seven hours before the poll ends, and then just paste in the numbers after the poll closes at 5 PM. Makes it easier to keep up, and usually there's a wide enough split between competitors that it's obvious who's going to win well before it happens. I couldn't do that with match 1.29, though: it'd been close all along, and then as of 11:30 AM yesterday the two differed by a single vote, so it was still too close to call.

This led me to realize that I didn't announce a procedure for breaking ties. I'd thought of two possibilities when I was planning the RATJ: 1) a re-vote (arguably the most time-consuming, but also probably the most fair), or 2) I could break the ties myself (fast unless I have a hard time deciding, which is more and more likely to happen as we get closer to the end, and also arguably unfair to anybody who voted, since I wind up getting two votes that way). I have since thought of a third option, which is what I'm actually going to do for ties: if there are any, the winner will be determined by coin-flip. It doesn't drag the contest out for another three days, it's not biased, and it's easy to do. So now you know.
(In the end, Pachira aquatica defeated Pilosocereus pachycladus by a single vote: 53 to 52.)
Match 1.30 was likewise extremely close, with Cordyline fruticosa cvv. maintaining a tiny lead over Euphorbia lactea for most of the contest; when voting ended, Cordyline led Euphorbia by only three votes, 54 to 51.

Pachira aquatica and Cordyline fruticosa cvv. will now face one another in match 2.15, on October 10.

In match 1.31, after some wavering back and forth, Mimosa pudica smacked down Ravenea rivularis, 60 to 46. But in a sensitive way.
Match 1.32 is the only match from this group where the results were never in much doubt: Hibiscus rosa-sinensis clobbered Dracaena sanderiana, 69 to 36. (Asked to comment, Hibiscus said, "I got lucky.")

Mimosa pudica and Hibiscus rosa-sinensis will go head to head on October 10 as well, in match 2.16.

And now for today's first-round action:

Match 1.45
Nematanthus cvv. (guppy plant) vs. Dracaena deremensis cvv.

Various NOID Nematanthus cvv.; bottom right is N. 'Tropicana.'

Clockwise from top left: Dracaena deremensis ''Lemon-Lime,' 'Warneckei' or similar, 'Dorado,' 'Malaika,' 'Janet Craig Compacta.'





Match 1.46
Schefflera actinophylla / arboricola (umbrella tree) vs. Gardenia jasminoides (gardenia)

Top row, L-R: Schefflera actinophylla, S. actinophylla 'Renegade,' S. arboricola.
Bottom row, L-R: Schefflera actinophylla ('Amate?'), S. arboricola NOID.

(Both are of Gardenia jasminoides.)





Match 1.47
Begonia cvv. (rhizomatous begonias) vs. Hedera helix (english ivy)

Clockwise from top left: Begonia 'Soli-Mutata,' B. 'Erythrophylla,' B. 'Tiger Kitten,' NOID.

Various NOID Hedera helix cvv. The one in the bottom right corner may be 'Needlepoint.'





Match 1.48
Lithops cvv. vs. Sansevieria trifasciata cvv. (snake plant)

(All are NOID Lithops spp. or cvv.)

Top row, L-R: Sansevieria trifasciata 'Black Coral,' 'Laurentii,' 'Bantel's Sensation.'
Center row, L-R: S. trifasciata NOID, 'Hahnii,' 'Hahnii Pearl Young.'
Bottom row, L-R: S. trifasciata 'Moonglow,' 'Black Gold.'





-

¹ I'm deciding according to a hypothetical situation in which all of my houseplants are gone, as are all the other houseplants of the world, except for one producer/supplier/retailer. Said person is offering to restock me with one or the other of the plants in question but refuses to give me both. Which one would I choose?

List: Houseplants With Brown or Partly Brown Leaves

Brown is a pretty unusual color for a living plant, though it's such a common color for dead ones that one wonders why more living plants don't try it, for the camouflage.

This is a particularly tough category, so some of these are a stretch, and others aren't a stretch but the pictures don't show it well. If anybody has some recommendations for brown-leaved plants that I've left out, I'd be happy to hear them.

Alworthia 'Black Gem.'

Cryptanthus cvv. (some cvv.)

Cyanotis kewensis.

Kalanchoe orgyalis.

Kalanchoe tomentosa 'Chocolate Soldier.'

Lithops sp.

Philodendron 'Prince of Orange.'

Pilea 'Moon Valley.'

Solenostemon scutellarioides 'Tilt a Whirl.'

Vriesea splendens.
I have varying levels of experience with the above set of plants, so my recommendations may be less reliable than usual, just so you know. The three of the above I would recommend most strongly would be Alworthia 'Black Gem,' Philodendron 'Prince of Orange,' and Vriesea splendens. None of them are particularly good in low-light situations, but that's true of everything on the list.

My favorite is the Alworthia: I've had one (and then, later, several) for a long time, and I can't recall them ever being any trouble. The brown color doesn't develop without pretty intense light, but even when they're just green, they're good plants.

Second favorite would have to be Vriesea splendens, which is maybe not the brownest of the plants on the list, but it's also pretty easy to grow. Easier than its reputation would have you believe, anyway.

Third would be Philodendron 'Prince of Orange,' which is not, technically, a plant I've grown, but I've had the related plants 'Moonlight' and 'Autumn,' and those have both (eventually) become well-behaved citizens of the plant collection. Light was apparently the main issue, though temperature might have been a problem also. 'Autumn' was all but brought back from the dead, i.e., it was restarted from cuttings, and 'Moonlight' has always been pretty-well behaved, but it turned into a rock star when moved to the plant room about a year ago. (Fertilizer, it turns out, is also helpful. I should do a fertilizer post sometime.) I have no reason to think 'Prince of Orange' is significantly worse than the others. The brown coloration is very temporary, and happens somewhere during the leaves' transitions from orange (brand new) to green (old), but if you're not too picky about the definition of "brown," it's in there.

The anti-recommend probably ought to be Lithops spp., but I've been hard on Lithops lately and feel bad going after it a second time. So instead, I will un-recommend Solenostemon scutellarioides 'Tilt-a-Whirl.' I managed to keep a number of coleus indoors over the winter, even propagating them as I went, but even with lots of artificial light, I was unable to keep them from getting leggy and hideous on me (particularly 'Splish Splash'). Though they can be overwintered indoors, and extremely motivated persons can grow them under lights year-round, I don't recommend bringing them inside if there's any chance of growing them outside.

Not pictured:

Calathea makoyana, a little
Codiaeum variegatum, some cvv.
some Episcia cvv.
some Gasteria cvv.
some Kohleria cvv. (thanks, Andrew!)
some Pelargonium x hortorum cvv.
Philodendron 'Autumn' (in the same way as for 'Prince of Orange')
Pilea involucrata 'Norfolk' (?)
Polyscias scutellaria, a little bit
Sansevieria kirkii var. pulchra 'Coppertone' (thanks, Karen!)
Zamia furfuracea (in high light)
Zingiber malaysianum (under certain viewing conditions)

List: Houseplants for Beginners to Avoid

This is the flip side of the list I posted on May 27, which was about easy plants I recommended for beginning growers of houseplants. These are the ones that are fairly easy to get (usually a little less common than the easy ones; it depends where you shop), but are not good prospects for growing year-round indoors.

There are a number of reasons why this could be the case. Some of the plants on the list are very prone to bug problems. Some of them are easy enough to keep alive, but are unlikely to ever again look as good as they do when you first see them in the store. Some have completely unreasonable care requirements, or are slow to recover from damage and consequently just sit there looking like crap forever if you forget to water once. That sort of thing.

I either know, or have at least heard of, people who have been successful with each of these plants. I have no doubt that there will be people reading the list who will say but I have a [name of plant] and it was the first one I ever bought and it's been awesome for me for fifteen years; I think you're nuts. And to those people, I say congratulations. (Also I say that whether or not I'm nuts is not the issue.) I know of many more people, however, including some people with a lot of indoor plant experience, who have tried some of these and failed multiple times.

The unfortunate thing is that these are still being sold, a lot, because they're really damned attractive. The stores don't actually care what happens to your plant once you purchase it, and in fact would probably rather you killed them, everything else being equal (people with dead plants are people who will buy replacements), so they'll keep getting them in. But give some easier stuff a try before handing over your money for these, is basically what I'm saying.

Alocasia amazonica 'Polly.' (African mask plant)
Why you would want one: they have big, dramatic leaves with striking shape and coloration.
Why you shouldn't get it: spider mites love them, they're fussy about humidity and temperature, and occasionally they will decide to go dormant, which if you don't know that they do this will make you think you killed it.
What to buy instead: Anthurium andraeanum (some cultivars have similar leaf size and shape, plus flowers), Ficus elastica 'Burgundy' (similar leaf color, size, and texture), Philodendron 'Congo Red' or 'Imperial Red' (similar leaf size and color), Syngonium wendlandii (vining plant with velvety, dark green, arrowhead-shaped leaves and a contrasting lighter center).
If you've already bought one: watch carefully for spider mites (they will show up as light webbing on the underside of the leaves and a dusty, tan, washed-out look on the tops of the leaves). Keep humidity and temperature high (not below 60F/16C). Provide good light (filtered sun or very bright indirect or artificial light). Hope for the best.


Begonia rex-cultorum 'Harmony's Red Robin' (shown) and other Begonia rex-cultorum cvv. (rex begonia)
Why you would want one: iridescent-metallic, multicolored leaves in green, gray, red, black, pink, purple, or silver, on a low, trailing plant.
Why you shouldn't get it: unreasonable environmental requirements, plus prone to mildew and other fungal diseases, unforgiving of lapses in care.
What to buy instead: Saxifraga stolonifera is a very easy, low-growing plant with silver-veined green leaves which are red underneath. Tradescantia zebrina is a trailing plant which usually has purple leaves striped in silver. Pilea involucrata 'Norfolk' trails, and has red, brown, gray, and silver leaves depending on the amount of light it is receiving; it's not a particularly good beginner plant, but I'd consider it an improvement on rex Begonias. Some of the cane Begonias, particularly the angel-wing or trout-wing types, may be slightly easier to get along with than the rexes, and have coloration which is similar, though their habit is very different. Some rhizomatous Begonias (Don suggests 'River Nile' in the comments) are also less fussy, and the patterns are frequently just as interesting even if the color range is narrower.
If you've already bought one: provide bright indirect light or filtered sun to maintain color. Keep humidity high around the plant, but try to avoid splashing water directly on the leaves. Do not allow the plant to dry out completely.


Calathea roseo-picta 'Medallion' (shown?) and other Calathea spp. (peacock plant, rattlesnake plant, zebra plant, pin-stripe plant, etc.)
Why you would want one: large oval leaves with delicate, fancy-schmancy streaks and blotches of color.
Why you shouldn't get it: drought-intolerant, sensitive to fluoridated water, prone to spider mites, unreasonable expectations for humidity.
What to buy instead: some Aglaonema and Dieffenbachia cvv. have similarly intricate color patterns and oval leaves, if not an equally broad color palette. Peperomia obtusifolia has some cultivars with feathery green-and-yellow variegation (for example 'Golden Gate'), and though it's a much smaller plant, it's also much easier. Variegated Epipremnum aureum cultivars like 'Marble Queen' have fairly intricate, swirly patterns, though the colors tend to disappear if the plant is grown in low light.
If you've already bought one: as for Alocasia, above.


Dionaea muscipula. (venus flytrap)
Why you would want one: dude! They move, and kill insects and shit!
Why you shouldn't get it: need special water because they're mineral-sensitive, very strong light year-round, and inhumanly cool temperatures during winter (when they go dormant). Plus they rot at the drop of a hat.
What to buy instead: not many good options. The sensitive plant, Mimosa pudica, also moves in response to touch and is perhaps a little more manageable, though it also needs very bright light and is not, in my opinion, a very pretty plant most of the time. I've heard nice things from certain quarters about Drosera (sundews), Pinguiculas (butterworts), and Nepenthes (pitcher plants), but my experience with Nepenthes is that they're not easy at all, and I'd be surprised if the others were either. I would recommend that a beginner either wait for a long time to attempt carnivorous plants in general, or else commit to growing nothing but carnivorous plants, because their needs are very different from the plants people normally keep indoors, and very little of your experience with one group will transfer to the other.
If you've already bought one: they need lots of light (full sun), distilled or reverse-osmosis water, and a winter dormancy; read the Dionaea muscipula profile for more specific information. You might also consider getting a terrarium for it.


Euphorbia pulcherrima. (poinsettia)
Why you would want one: 'cause they're so fucking Christmasy and festive.
Why you shouldn't get it: they're just very badly-suited for indoor cultivation all around. They need tons of light, even during the winter when you're least likely to have lots of light; they need a lot of warmth; they're a pain to rebloom; they're usually potted in crappy potting mix because the growers don't expect them to survive past New Year's so there's no point springing for the good potting mix; they're usually artificially dwarfed using hormones, so even if you did manage to keep it until the next year, you'd have a leggy monstrosity; they tend to be stressed from being forced to grow fast and bloom fast; if you're in a cold climate, they've probably been shipped in cold and are stressed from that when you see them; they're prone to fungus, whitefly, and everything else; the lower leaves fall off at the drop of a hat, even if it's the next-door neighbor's hat; they bring untold misery and despair to garden center and greenhouse workers the world over; and I say not to.
What to buy instead: oh my god anything. An. Y. Thing. Norfolk Island pines (Araucaria heterophylla) can be very nice long-term plants if you have a bright, cool spot for one. Schlumbergera cvv. ("Christmas cactus") are very easy, though plants purchased late are prone to drop flower buds once you get them home, so try to buy them out of season or else as early as you can. Those are probably the two I'd most recommend. But if you don't like those, English ivy (Hedera helix) is common in stores around Christmas: it's a terrible, terrible idea to start your houseplant career with Hedera, but better that than poinsettias. Forced bulbs like Hippeastrum ("amaryllis") can be saved and made into long-term, reblooming plants. Even Cyclamen persicum or Kalanchoe blossfeldiana, absolutely anything at all, just not a poinsettia.
If you've already bought one: enjoy it while it lasts.


Gardenia jasminoides. (gardenia)
Why you would want one: the flowers smell amazing.
Why you shouldn't get it: they have unreasonable expectations.
What to buy instead: there are no great Gardenia substitutes, because nothing else smells like a Gardenia. But Hoya lacunosa flowers are pleasant, and the plant is easy to grow. Quite a few of the other Hoyas have pleasant-smelling flowers, too, though ease of care and ease of flowering vary from one species to the next. Murraya paniculata is considerably easier than Gardenia though not easy, and blooms readily year-round if given enough light and water. Finally, Callisia fragrans, which looks and smells nothing like Gardenia, is still relatively easy to bring into bloom, and the blooms smell good enough. All three of the above substitutes also have going for them that they'll continue to bloom for a good long while, once they've started, if care is consistent.
If you've already bought one: Gardenias like cool nights for setting buds, so aim for low temperatures in the 50s F (10-15C). Do anything you can to keep the plant out of hot, dry air, as well, as this will stress the plant and encourage spider mites. Don't let plants dry out completely, either. Plants will also usually benefit from spending the summer outdoors, if you have a semi-protected spot you can keep the plant in where it won't sit in the sun cooking to death. See also the Gardenia jasminoides profile.


Juniperus sp. bonsai, other bonsai (juniper, fukien tea, elm, Japanese maple, box, etc.)
Why you would want one: they look like adorable little trees, they're Asian-feeling, you have action figures that would look perfect sitting next to a miniature tree.
Why you shouldn't get it: Juniperus in particular needs much cooler winter temperatures than most houseplants, and won't survive a winter indoors with central heating. Other types of bonsai tend to be extremely touchy about heat and drought. There's also a lot of precise work involved in keeping the plant miniaturized: they want to be full-sized trees, and are only miniature because they're being deprived of root space and fertilizer, and keeping them in line is something of a job.
What to buy instead: some varieties of Ficus, especially F. benjamina 'Too Little' and F. microcarpa, are used as bonsai specimens, but are more resilient and accommodating than most species used as bonsai. 'Too Little' is genetically inclined to grow tiny, bonsai-scale leaves, even when it's not being treated like a bonsai, and consequently is easier to maintain as a miniature tree. Polyscias fruticosa and Crassula ovata maintain a treelike form as they grow, branching spontaneously and forming woody trunks (Crassula ovata is occasionally a legitimate bonsai subject.). Polyscias fruticosa also tends to develop gnarled, bonsai-like forms over time. Araucaria heterophylla doesn't do a very good pine impression, and eventually gets very large, but if you're looking for a houseplant conifer, it may be as close as you're going to get, as a beginner.
If you've already bought one: depends on the species. I recommend Googling for your particular species ("common bonsai subjects," maybe?), or else (if it was sold without an ID tag, as will usually be the case) locating a dedicated bonsai forum of some kind, where you can get advice specific to your plant.


Lithops spp. (living stones)
Why you would want one: the weirdness of a plant pretending to be a couple pebbles, or the novelty of a plant with windows in its leaves, or just the all-around freakyness of the thing.
Why you shouldn't get it: watering is tricky, and they demand a lot of light.
What to buy instead: Astrophytum species of cacti, especially A. myriostigma, sort of resemble oddly symmetrical rocks. They're a little touchy about overwatering, too, but not to the same degree. Senecio rowleyanus resembles green beads on a string, and portions of the leaves are translucent. Quite a few Haworthia species, though not all of them, have "windows" at the tips of their leaves, though the resemblance to pebbles is debatable. Pachyphytum spp. look like small piles of pebbles, to varying degrees.
If you've already bought one: give it as much light as you possibly can, and give it water only 1) when it looks like it's shriveling up, and 2) in late August. Otherwise, not even a drop, you hear me? When you do water, don't feel compelled to drench the soil, either. Less is definitely more in this case.


Ravenea rivularis. (majesty palm)
Why you would want one: you're looking for a palm, and it's big and cheap. (The one in the photo is an unusually small specimen.)
Why you shouldn't get it: they're all but impossible to grow indoors in a long-term way. The reason it's so big and cheap is that in Florida or wherever they're being produced, they grow very, very fast, so there's less time invested in a majesty palm than in most of the others, which means less fertilizer, less water, less pesticide, etc. The down side is that although they grow very well in an outdoor tropical climate, indoors they completely suck balls.
What to buy instead: kentia palms, Howea forsteriana, tend to be outrageously priced when one even manages to find one, but people rave about them being incredibly good plants. I've never had the pleasure of growing one, though, so don't know whether I agree. WCW used to talk up the spindle palm, Hyophorbe verschaffeltii, as being a very good indoor palm, but I've never tried that either, and again, they tend to be pricey. I'm personally partial to lady palms, Rhapis excelsa, though they lack the arching, finely-divided fronds of Ravenea and are slow growers and therefore expensive. If it's just the general V-shape you're into, Dracaena fragrans 'Massangeana' is widely available, cheap, and has a certain palminess to it, as do the various cultivars of Dracaena deremensis ('Warneckei,' 'Lemon-Lime,' 'Janet Craig,' 'Limelight,' 'Art,' and so forth), Ficus maclellandii, and Yucca guatemalensis. Strelitzia nicolai, the white bird of paradise, does a decent job of signifying tropical, and is usually not that expensive, though they're very big and need a lot of light to do well.
If you've already bought one: don't get too attached, monitor for spider mites, and give it as much light, heat, and humidity as you can manage. Ravenea would probably also benefit from spending summers outside in a semi-shady spot, though they're extremely thirsty, so make sure to keep it watered.


Selaginella kraussiana cv. (shown) and other Selaginella spp. (spikemoss, clubmoss)
Why you would want one: delicate, finely-divided foliage, sometimes with a deep red underside (S. erythropus) or iridescent blue sheen (S. uncinata).
Why you shouldn't get it: they're unforgiving of low humidity, over- and underwatering.
What to buy instead: there aren't a lot of alternatives for this one either. I like some of the Davallias (rabbit's-foot ferns) for delicate, finely-divided foliage, and at least one of mine (D. tyermanii) has a slight blue tinge to it. Crassula muscosa has a similar texture and is easier care when properly established, though a lot of the plants sold seem to be sold before they've rooted completely, which makes them somewhat difficult. Pilea depressa lacks the color and is not as fine-textured, but it's still in that same small-leaved creeping category.
If you've already bought one: get a terrarium and plant Selaginella in it. You'll both be much happier.


Don't start with these either:

Adiantum spp. (maidenhair fern)
Asplenium nidus / antiquum (bird's-nest fern)
Caladium spp. (angel wings)
Citrus / Fortunella / etc. (citrus, lemon, orange, lime, kumquat)
Codiaeum variegatum (croton)
Cyclamen persicum (florists' cyclamen)
Fenestraria rhopalophylla (baby toes)
Hedera helix (English ivy)
Hibiscus rosa-sinensis (hibiscus)
Jasminum sambac (jasmine)
Kalanchoe blossfeldiana (flaming Katy, kalanchoe)
Maranta leuconeura cvv. (prayer plant, rabbit tracks)
Nepenthes spp. (pitcher plant)
Oxalis triangularis ("shamrock")
Rhododendron cvv. (azalea)
Rosmarinus officinalis (rosemary)
Soleirolia soleirolii (baby tears)
Streptocarpus cvv. (cape primrose)
Stromanthe sanguinea cvv.
tree ferns (Blechnum, Cyathea, Dicksonia, Cibotium)

Pictures: Lithops spp.

I function more or less just fine on days which are sunny, or partly cloudy, and I work just fine at night after the sun goes down, too, usually. But gray, cloudy days just completely kill any productive impulses I have.

And Friday and Saturday were both gray and rainy around here. I was trying to work on plant profiles, but got almost nowhere, and then around 5 PM I remembered that I didn't have a Sunday post ready yet. So here we are, and I apologize for it being sort of lame. Perhaps tomorrow's post will be better.

Though if you're into Lithops you may not think this is lame at all. In which case I apologize for the apology.

My favorite one is third from the top.

Pretty picture: Lithops group planting

I did this at work yesterday, and thought it came out well enough to be worth sharing. I intended to hide them better, but was hampered by a limited pebble palette: some greenish or bluish pebbles would have helped a great deal. Or some black or yellowish Lithops. Whichever.

Pretty picture: Lithops NOID flower

Nothing terribly complicated here, just a flower. We just got a handful of Lithops in, and a few of them had buds. Interesting if you haven't seen it before. I kinda prefer the yellow-flowered ones.

Avant-Garde Artist (Lithops spp.)

I feel like a bit of a rube when it comes to Lithops spp. I don't really . . . get them. It's not that I don't understand why they are the way they are, and they're unusual, so I get why people would find them interesting. But I don't feel the interesting, personally. What I feel about them is more like a non-sophisticate in a trendy Manhattan art gallery.

"Check this one out, Ethel. It's a plant, but they made it so it looks like rocks."
"Oh my. What does it . . . mean?"
"Mean?"
"You know, what's the artist trying to say with it. Are those supposed to be windows?!"
"Windows?"
"Yes, George. Right there in the top. See how they're kind of translucent?"
"No."
"I'm pointing right at it."
"."
"Look where I'm pointing. Look where I'm pointing."
"Well I'll be damned. Windows."
"So it's a plant, but it's a rock, and it's a rock, but it's a building. But it's a plant. What do you think it all means?"
"Aw, hell. I don't know about art, but I know what I like, and I don't like this. Probably just trying to say something about alienation or nucular disarmament or some garbage. Let's see if they have a gift shop."

Photo credit: "dysmorodrepanis," at Wikipedia

This is, of course, my problem, not the plant's. The plant doesn't need me to understand it. And there have been other plants that I've not really seen the appeal of until I brought one home (the most dramatic example being strawberry begonias, Saxifraga stolonifera, but there have been others). So the fact that they leave me kinda cold aesthetically is of no consequence, really. I might like them if I got to know them.

But. I find them a little intimidating, mostly because I've seen several of them now just shrivel and die, more or less overnight, over nothing in particular that I could see. Not only at my present job, either: this is something that Lithops spp. just seem to do, and it's bugged me. Why? What did I do?

What I did, most likely, is I watered them when I shouldn't have. They have a more complicated yearly watering cycle than most houseplants, with two wet periods and two dry periods. The first wet period is in late spring and early summer, and the second wet period is in late summer and early fall. So one might wind up watering only in May, June, September and October, or something sort of like that, and even then you don't necessarily want to water very much. During the midsummer dormancy, you can water if they start to shrivel, but otherwise keep them dry, and in the winter dormancy, don't water at all.

A lot of customers ask about them, but then they don't buy one. Sometimes this may be because I discourage them,¹ but even when I don't discourage, it doesn't usually result in a sale: they're odd, and kinda cool, but that doesn't necessarily mean that your average person is going to want one in their house, you know? I mean, David Lynch is also both odd and kinda cool,² but I wouldn't want to buy one to take home, if someone sold David Lynches.

But I digress. At some point before I started work, someone brought in a whole bunch of them, in little 2-inch pots. I don't know how many, exactly, but we had two full 4x8 flats when I took this picture,


and we used to have more than that. So maybe three flats' worth, let's say. Whether someone got a good deal, or just got overly optimistic, I'm not sure (I wasn't there when this happened.), but it will be interesting to see how many get thrown out and how many get sold, in the end.

The biology here is interesting. Lithops spp. (and there are several species, some of which have multiple varieties, and then we get into hybrids and cultivars, so good luck identifying which particular one you've got)³ have a number of adaptations which enable them to survive an environment which you wouldn't ordinarily think of as a place likely to grow plants.

The western part of South Africa is dominated by two similar but distinct types of terrain, called Nama Karoo and Succulent Karoo. Both have very rocky, lime-rich soil and low rainfall: Nama receives between 100 and 520 mm (4 to 20 inches) of rain per year, and Succulent receives 20-290 mm (0.1 to 11 inches). If that weren't bad enough, what little water there is tends to be quickly evaporated, by hot, dry winds, perpetually clear skies (pretty much) and temperatures which are routinely above 40ºC (104ºF). What's a plant to do?

What Lithops species have done is, essentially, to jettison everything that doesn't directly assist with reproduction or water conservation. Some of these adaptations are pretty drastic when you think about it: Lithops has gotten rid of stems. (Stems!) The taproot connects directly to the leaves. The plants also often grow mostly buried, and the top of the leaves are translucent (this enables light to travel into the leaf, which is lined with photosynthetic tissue,⁴ permitting essentially evaporation-free light collection). They only ever have two leaves at a time (presumably, annual replacement of the leaves is their way of coping with leaf damage – which if you'd been sandblasted in a furnace for the last twelve months, you'd probably be looking to freshen up too), and offset only occasionally. They are also very slow (hence patient) plants, which can live to be 40-50 years old, or possibly over 100, depending on whose sites you're inclined to believe. Old, in any case.

Some poison would probably be helpful, since they apparently are edible,⁵ but I suppose camouflage is a nice alternative. It's certainly awfully effective.

Photo by Christer Johansson at Wikipedia
My favorite bit of Lithops-related trivia that I've run across is that they are apparently known to the people in their native area by names like beeskloutjie (cattle hoof), skaappootjie (sheep hoof) and perdeklou (horse's hoof). I would never have come up with this on my own, since sheep hoof-prints aren't something I encounter in everyday life, but since I read this, I can no longer look at them without thinking of hoof-prints.

Late addition: I found a very short (3 second) time-lapse video of a flowering Lithops, which may or may not be interesting to you: link.

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References: Susan Mahr, at theUniversity of Wisconsin.
South African National Biodiversity Institute 1 (Succulent Karoo) and 2 (Nama Karoo)

Photo credits: see text.

¹ Which I often feel guilty about, but I don't consider them beginner plants (although many people, apparently, do). So if I know someone to be new to houseplants, I'll steer them elsewhere, just to avoid the heartbreak.
² I think, anyway. He seems to have fallen on losery times lately, a bit.
³ This does mean, though, that you are likely to be able to find a Lithops that matches your interior décor, as long as your interior décor is mainly some kind of washed-out, low-saturation earth-toney kind of thing.
⁴ Other succulent species have had the same idea: many Haworthia species, including H. retusa, H. truncata, H. transclucens and several others, Senecio rowleyanus ("string of beads") and S. radicans ("string of bananas"), Peperomia graveolens, etc. The Haworthias and Senecios are both also native to Southwest Africa, which suggests that maybe there's something about that area in particular that encourages plants to evolve window-leaves. The Peperomia, though, is from Ecuador, though.
⁵ At least, that's the rumor. I wouldn't be inclined to test it personally. (Unless I were very, very thirsty, I guess.)